Our Angel

Well. Another night with no sleep. I have been trying to figure out this blog thing but can't so thought I would write about something else on my mind. Why not right?

I would like the world to know about a great man. My papa. The best man I have ever known. My dad is up there with him but he doesn't have as big of a heart as Papa did. He was the type of man that would do anything for you. Everyone was the same to him, everyone.

He had a garden and during the summers my brother and I would work in the garden with him. I hated it but I loved it. I can't remember many things from my childhood but I remember those potatoes and green beans. I remember getting stung when picking veggies. I remember my papa spitting tobacco on it. Does that still help? I remember turning over watermelon and finding black widows. I hate spiders to this day.

He would take tomaotes and other veggies to people, just because. He would go down the road and wave to everyone. It didn't matter what color, what sex, how old. He was your friend, everyones friend. He was the man that saw no wrong in anyone. Yea, he would correct me when I was wrong but it was like he knew everyones heart was good. He loved God. He had so much faith in him.

When he died in 96, that was the beginning of a new break down for me. I remember being in class at SMC when I would just start crying, uncontrollable crying. I had people around me die before but I wasn't sure why this one hurt so much. Of course I loved him but I didn't know how much until he was gone. I didn't even get to say bye. He died when I wasn't around. One minute I was told he was doing better and then a few hours later, he was gone. I was told his last words were AMEN. I know he saw him, he saw God.

For the longest time I kept telling myself, that life would get better. That God needed Papa and that was why he was gone. Still it took many years to realize that it was okay that he wasn't here. As you can see still to this day, I can't forget him. There are times I still cry for him. I can't imagine anyone else close to me dieing. I feel like a part of me goes with them and I am not sure how much is left.

I have always felt Papa was still close. I would always say he was my angel once he left this world and went to the next. In fact when I was going through another hard time in my life I was woken up during the night. Not sure why but I sat up in my bed and saw my papa at the foot of my bed. I called to him and he said, "It's going to be okay." My jaw dropped. I could see him like I could see you there except around him there was a light. Then he grinned and went away. I know about dreams and this wasn't a dream. It was real. He came to help me. After that I knew everything would be okay. I knew he was with me every step of the way.

When I was pregnant and decorating Emily's room I put a picture of Papa on a shelf beside her crib. I thought to myself, he can watch over her. I know it sounds crazy but like I said, I knew he was still around me. After Emily was born we got a video monitor so I could actually see her during the night without getting up every 15 minutes. There were a few days here and there when she was napping that I would see a shadow come from the wall where Papa's picture was. The shadow would move over the crib and then go away like it came, back into the wall. My husband thought I was crazy until he saw it. Of course he had a different explanation for it.

Then as Emily grew and started sitting in her crib I would see her look at that picture. Just a child being curious right? I told myself the same thing. A few more months goes by and she is starting to talk. She likes to play in her crib by herself before she goes to sleep and one day she stopped dead in the middle of her playing and smiled up at his picture. It was as if he called out to her. She had the sweetest look on her face.

That isn't it. Time goes by and she isn't feeling good one day. Those darn teeth. Anyway, I put her down for a nap and she starts to cry. I leave her a few minutes and during this time, she stops crying looks at his picture, smiles and laughs. I saw this and I started crying. I ran into her room that day, wanting to see him I think but at the same time I wanted to tell her who she had just saw. When I opened the door she turned to me smiled and pointed up at his picture. It was like she was saying, mommy look, did you see him too? I sat down in the floor and cried as I explained to her who he was and what a great person he was and how he was there for her.

I knew then that I was right. He had been with me since he died and once I had Emily, he left my side and went to watch over her. I still feel him with me a lot of the time so I think he is pulling double duty. Just like papa to do that.

Talk about an Angel!