Fall is here!

Today was my first time doing a real photo shoot for Chrissy with at http://www.dottiestripelayne.etsy.com/ . Emily got to model some clothes which was fun but the other two girls are wonderful models. I couldn't believe how they could just pose on key. Here are some of the pictures. Chrissy makes the cutest outfits and these pictures just show a few of them. You have to check out her site to see the rest!

My favorite outfit is the Carolina Gamecock one and Emily just looked too cute in it. All the girls loved dressing in their Halloween costumes that Chrissy made, I couldn't pick a favorite out of those! The girls did great. They changed clothes and took pictures for 2 and 1/2 hours and still had energy to run around! It was a fun afternoon.

Just In...

Here is a new bracelet I just made. I love this new design!

I am not posting much of my jewelry on my Etsy site right now because I have so many shows coming up, however I would love to know what you think of this new bracelet!

Spider in the window

My husband left the window down to his truck last night and you won't believe what was in there this morning...a SPIDER. I huge Spider! The web takes up the whole drivers seat. I just had to take a picture. Needless to say I won't be riding in that truck for a very long time!

Life changing trip

Yesterday I went on a trip with my mom to Duke, we just got back today. My mom is a survivor for those that didn't know. She was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago and everything turned out really good for her, for all of us. She survived it! She has been going to Duke now yearly for her check ups, as they are the best around. This time I went with here. Emily stayed at home with my dad. (I know weird ugh, he actually did a great job)

Anyway, if you don't know, Duke is in Durham, NC and let me tell you...it is a long drive. My mom drove the first part and I drove the second part. We decided to go to Raleigh to see my cousin Jennifer and my new baby cousin Charlotte and of course Sam and Tim. Needless to say this made the trip longer because we had no idea where we were going but it was worth it.

I finally got to hold another of God's miracles...Charlotte. She is around 2 months old and so full of life. A short version of their story...When Jennifer was pregnant she was told that Charlotte had aortic stenosis, a congenital heart defect that caused her aortic valve and her aorta to be too small. As if that wasn't enough, one of her heart chambers was also enlarged. So Charlotte is really a true blessing from God, and she is as healthy as ever. She just smiled at me and laughed with me. (I guess I am pretty funny to look at) You would never know by looking at her, that she wasn't just like any other child. We are so grateful for all God has done for Charlotte and her family. I must say being a mother is hard but Jennifer and Tim have not only done a great job with their almost 3 year old son Sam but they have done one amazing job at helping keep Charlotte healthy and alive. It takes special people to go through what they did for 9 months and now the rest of Charlotte's life. To trust so much in the Lord, to not ask why, just accept it and move forward. They are so strong, I only dream of being that strong.

I was going to go back to see them on Friday while my mom was at Duke, but I knew I would get lost so I decided to accompany my mom to her doctor appointment. Her appointment was 3 1/2 hours, maybe longer. We got there just before 8am and left a little after 11am. You wouldn't believe how big this place was and how nice everyone there was. People in North Carolina are really nice.

First we went to a waiting room to register and then they called my mom back and took her blood. Then they sent us to another waiting area where she registered for a mammogram, then we waited for some lady to come and get us to walk us to yet another room. (the worse room of all) Picture this...a small room with 11 chairs, in those chairs are women from ages 18 to 80 and each women has on the same washed a million times too big or small gown. Yep, this room is full of women waiting to get a mammograms. Needless to say I was the only one not in a gown, thankfully. My mom waited about 35 minutes before she was called back and then she was in the back about 15 minutes and then she waited another 20 minutes for her results. This whole time I watched those 11 chairs fill up 3 times. With every person that sat down, my eyes went to them, curious as to what their story was. I couldn't help but to look at the chest of everyone women in their, as was everyone else. At least I wasn't doing the obvious, acting like I was reading only to glance around the room as I turned to the next article. Nope, I just glanced around while I made jewelry! You really did wonder if everyone of those 33 women in about an hours time had cancer or had had it. Then you wondered too, why hasn't someone determined where cancer comes from and how can we stop it from happening. It really makes you grateful when you go into a place like that. So grateful for having breast and being healthy and alive, and so grateful my mom is here with us.

After the results came back we went back to where we started, the first waiting room so that mom could see the actual doctor. That really only took about 30 minutes and it went by really fast because I sat there and talked to people. I was making jewelry so everyone wanted to know what I was doing. This one lady came up to me and she had no hair and a hat on to cover it. I couldn't help but to melt. I mean you hear of cancer but until you actually are around people that are showing signs of it, you don't really realize how bad it is. My mom caught hers early and didn't have to go through Kimo, she was really lucky so to speak. Unless someone told you , you would have never known that she had cancer (she was so strong through it all and still is). When I looked into the eyes of this lady, I realized how thankful and lucky I am to have my mom healthy and here. I just wanted to hug this lady. I felt so sorry for her but as I felt sorry, she smiled. I knew then that she had to have faith in God. I know that was what made my mom so strong during it all and I could see that strength in this lady's eyes too.

I was so glad that I went with my mom this weekend. We haven't been able to spend much one on one time together since Emily was born. If you know how grandparents are...it's all about the grandchild but the last 48 hours it was about my mom and me and I am so happy to call her my mom.

Almost

Alivia's tutu was made by Chrissy at http://www.dottiestripelayne.etsy.com/.

Today was a big day for Emily. She was going to start dance class with her friend Alivia (in the picture here with her) however it didn't work out like we thought it would. I found out about 2 hours before the class that Emily was too young, she needed to be 3. The lady at Miss Marion's didn't tell me that yesterday when I went up there and signed up instead I get told right before class. I wasn't very happy that I had spent money on shoes and clothes and then was told she couldn't take the class. I asked the Miss Lori at Miss Marion's if Emily could at least come today since I had already promised her she would get to wear her NEW TAP shoes and NEW BALLET shoes and see Alivia. (crazy I know, I just have to keep my promises to everyone even a 26 month old) Miss Lori agreed that she could come today but she didn't seem happy about it. (it was their mistake)

Once we were there Miss Lori didn't speak much to me at all and didn't say anything to Emily. Emily did great, she walked in the room with Alivia...holding her hand, it was so sweet. Once the door shut we ran to the window to see what would happen. Emily stood in line with Alivia and actually did some of the steps...she was late on them but it was her first dance experience and as any mother would say about their child...SHE DID GREAT, except there were two times when she walked out of the line to go climb on the red mat (I mean why even have that in there:)) so besides that she was good. However, the story doesn't end there.

Miss Lori corrected another kid that wanted to follow Emily over to the mat by saying..."no we don't do that, she is a baby (meaning Emily was a baby) and we don't do that." Well I had to hold down my lips to keep from screaming and plant my feet on the ground to keep from running in there and pulling Emily out of the class. She was the youngest out of 4 kids but she was no baby, she was actually only a few month younger then the child Miss Lori corrected. I know it doesn't sound like much but the way she said it...just got to me.

I was so upset for Emily. I know she didn't know that Miss Lori didn't want her there and she didn't know that she was the youngest nor did she know or understand what Miss Lori had said but I knew and I didn't like the way she was being treated. She was for the first time in her little life..THE OUTSIDER.

A few minutes later it was time for the girls to change shoes and Alivia took Emily's hand and gave her her shoes and Miss Lori helped put them on, only to find out the new shoes were too small so Miss Lori called me in there to inform me they were too small. I just told her I would take them back. She said Emily was welcome to stay in there the rest of the class but she really needed to be in another class called the Mommy and Me class....which no one else had told me about when I called up there yesterday. So I just told her since her shoes didn't fit we would just go. So we left.

I want to do the Mommy and Me class for Emily, because she has been dancing all day since class and she was so confused when we left and the other girls didn't. I felt so bad for her. On the other hand I don't want to take the Mommy and Me class because I really don't like the way that Miss Lori treated Emily. I can see people having a bad day and especially when you are trying to teach something to 4 toddlers but when you have bad days you can't take it out on children. When we are upset or angry they can feel that. I know Emily felt it. As a mother we can feel their pain, they excitement. I just feel such a bond with Emily that I know what she is thinking most of the time. She shouldn't have been an outsider. No child should be especially at 26 months!

So if anyone reads this and knows of any dance place that takes children age 2 and up please let me know. I really want her to have this opportunity but I don't want it to be at Miss Marion's in Spartanburg, SC.

For what it is worth she looked cute!

A new friend

Today Emily played with Alivia. Alivia's aunt Chrissy made Emily's Birthday outfit and now has made another outfit for Emily that you will see soon. You can see more of her items at her etsy store - http://www.dottiestripelayne.etsy.com/. Since both girls stay at home we figured it would be a great idea to get them together to play. They had so much fun. By the end of the morning you would have thought they were sisters. Emily followed Alivia everywhere. I couldn't help but take my camera and I was so glad I did. Alivia is so photogenic I got some great shots of her. Thanks Chrissy and Alivia:)

Watching her boyfriend play soccer

Yesterday Emily got to watch her boyfriend Grant play Soccer. It was so much fun. If you have never seen 3 and 4 year old play soccer, you must. After the game Grant came over and hugged Emily and then he shared his snack with her. There was another boy there named Blake who also wanted to share his food with Emily. She already has boys giving her gifts. She was so cute though she went and sat down beside Grant and ate his cookies with him. Such a cute couple!

Picture day

Emily got to see her boyfriend today. We took some great pictures. Here are a few. They really are a cute couple! It's been awhile since I Emily and I have had picture day. It was worth the wait she did great!

Party time

We went to Ally's birthday party today and had so much fun. Emily loved the little playground there. Of course she didn't eat any of the cake and only a few bites of ice cream. I wish I could turn things down like she can! Here are a few pictures, you will see she played hard, she was hot!

Check out my latest cake

It's almost finished! I just had to put a picture up of this one. I made this cake for my neighbor's little girl's 2nd Birthday. I love it!

New items up!

These are such fun bracelets to wear!

Check me out on etsy at dotteddeerboutique.etsy.com

New items will be posted weekly!

Teaching her right

You know you have started raising your child right when you're driving down the road and you hear her in the back seat saying,"mommy, daddy, mimi, papa, mimi, nana, everybody." There was no wondering what she was doing, I knew, she was praying. That is how we end our prayer at night, by thanking and praying for everyone in the family and our friends. It was so sweet that she was praying during the middle of the day, by herself, as we were going down the road. I couldn't believe it. I actually got a tear or two in my eye and a warmth came over me. Maybe she doesn't understand it all but I know God was listening to her and he knows what it all means.
I have always wondered how I would be as a mom. I have to say I have surprised myself. I am more understanding then I thought I would be. I have actually learned to be patient. I still have a lot of work to do but I think I am doing okay. There are those times I get so frustrated, what parent doesn't? I don't like it when Emily fights going to sleep or when she is whinny, says no, or constantly calling my name, however, I am so grateful for it all. You can't get too mad when you hear your little one call you mommy. Think about it, you have waited your life to be a parent and now there is someone to call you mommy. It is actually such a sweet thing to hear, even 100 times a day!

Oh and for all of those keeping up with it. My lab results came back better. My levels are low but I still have to go back on Tuesday to do them again. It is a wonder I have any blood left in me. I have to keep going until the get down to 0. I am not sure what number they are at now but the doctor was pleased they went down, however I was told if I start cramping or bleeding over the weekend to come in. That didn't make me feel any better, but I assume they have to tell everyone that!

Signs

I am such a believer in signs. Signs are everywhere. I believe God points them out to us at certain times as a way to get our attention, to wake us up and tell us which way to go. The signs were everywhere the night I met Andrew. They were there when a Cesarean was scheduled for the birth of Emily. They were there during my D&C. I knew it was right since Dr. K was there, it was as if God was comforting me and letting me know this was what was suppose to happen.
So here is my question what is the sign he is showing me now?

I got a call today from Dr. K to come in and do blood work again. UGH. It just so happens that she saw me as I was walking out and she called me back into her office. (SIGN- she just so happen to see me and have time to talk to me) Then the confusing part. She told me that my harmon levels last week (a week after the D&C) were up. They were higher then they were before the D&C. What? She is as confused as I am. She just saw my chart today and she wanted me to come in asap to get another reading and tomorrow we will know more. She hopes they are down and if so that is great news, still doesn't explain why they were up last week but still it will be good news if they are going down. If they are going up or are still up...I have to go back asap. I have had no paid or anything since 2 days after the D&C so we aren't sure what is going on. I guess we will know tomorrow.

What confuses me is what is God telling me by all of this? I mean she said there is a slim chance I am pregnant, (haven't done anything to get that way and I have no symptom so I doubt that is it) however, all of this is thrown back in my face. I mean a week after my insides were cleaned out my body still said I was pregnant. Is God telling me I don't need to give up that I should still try or is he telling me to give it up this is too much mentally and physically? I just don't get this one. Just as I think it is all over and I am putting it all behind me...there it is all back in my face. What is going on? What is this all about? What do the signs mean?

The room is complete

Emily now has a new room. A little bit of a big girls room. It is so cute. I love it! It is weird though that for a little over two years there has been the same crib in her room, on the same wall, with the same bedding and now it is gone. She is growing up!

While rearranging her room I realized just how much stuff she has. There is something on every wall, on every inch of the floor around the walls and her closet is packed. Isn't it amazing just how much stuff a child has? My parents said I had all kinds of fun toys but I don't remember them at all. I think they are telling a little lie! Who knows:) But I won't let Emily forget all that she has because I am taking pictures, mainly of the big stuff!

I don't have many pictures to look back on from when I was a kid and those I do have don't show many cool toys like Emily has. I didn't have a tent. I remember making them out of sheets and chairs. What fun it was back then but Emily has a really nice tent. I also don't remember having a high chair for my baby dolls or a little girl table but my parents said I did. They have no proof though! By me taking these pictures Emily will know in the years to come that I was telling the truth about all the cool things she played with. Just a little something to hang over her head! Kids these days are just so lucky!

Emily's New Bed

Last night was Emily's first night sleeping in a new bed. Yea! I shouldn't be happy about Emily growing up but if you have ever lifted 27 pounds in and out of a crib 2 times a day, you would agree to let her grow... just a little.

It has been hard not lifting her, per doctor orders. The easies thing to do was to go ahead and get her a bed. I have been wanting to save my back the pain but I was going to wait until Christmas but no better time then the present. My husband didn't think she would stay in the bed so we left the crib up until we saw how she did. He was right, Sunday night she cried until she was put in her crib. On Monday she slept in her bed for her nap on Monday and I made such a big deal about it that she actually slept in it Monday night too. YEA, no more lifting!

As long as she continues to do good this week we are going to say goodbye to the crib. I can't wait to reorganize her room. It is amazing how much stuff you and your child can accumulate. Where will we put the crib?

A New Day

I feel as if I am getting back to normal. Finally! I still can't lift anything over 10 pounds so today Emily climbed up in my bed and took a nap with me instead of in her crib. It was so sweet and I was so tired. After the nap I felt NEW. Maybe it was her waking me up by putting her little arm around me (okay she tried to put it around me, it wouldn't fit) or maybe it was when she scrunched up beside me as close as she could, or maybe it was the soft little kiss she gave me on my cheek. Regardless, whatever it was about that nap made me feel so much better. I kind of feel light and free, it could be the medicine:) but I think it is just God getting me back on my feet with Emily's help! All the prayers helped too. Thank you all!

Little Girl Lost

A home was made for you

I felt it grow inside me

The door was open
But you never came in

I dreamt of holding you and seeing your face

but instead it's this part of my life I have to erase

My heart was once full but not anymore
there will always be something missing behind the closed door

I know you would have been a girl without a doubt
And forever in my life you will not be left out

I will remember the day your home was made
And I will remember when it was taken away

I will remember the joy you brought
And all the lessons that were taught

I love you little girl forever and always
But I can't cry anymore I have to wipe my eyes
...and close this door

Michelle Patton
August 13, 2008

Can't stop

It is now 3:am and I am awake because Emily just screamed and cried out my name really loud. I jumped up so fast and looked at the video monitor and saw she was still asleep. I guess she was dreaming about me, it didn't sound like a good dream. She has called names out during the night before and mumbled (like her dad she talks in her sleep) but this one really scared me. However, the good news is she is still sleeping we didn't have to get her or anything.

She was so loud Andrew heard her. My husband sleeps like a rock and for him to hear her is very uncommon. Just has he said, "you want me to go get her", she stopped crying out. Normally I would get her during the night if she needed anything and Andrew would keep on sleeping. (he does just a great job at sleeping) Basically it should be this way since he is the one that needs to sleep. I know he needs to be 100% during the day at work so he can bring home the BACON and since my job is Emily, well, when she calls then my job starts back up. BUT this time would have been different...maybe. See with the D&C you aren't suppose to lift more then 10 pounds for a week. YEA RIGHT! So between us, if he wouldn't have woke up and she would have kept crying I would have went and got her....I guess GOD knew that so he kept her sleeping and woke Andrew up just in case.

Let's really think about this though. A lot of people that have a D&C have another child so unless you are a really relaxed parent tell me how you would not lift your child especially after just loosing your second or third. After the hospital I wanted so bad to just run and pick Emily up, but I didn't, not because of the pain and the grief but because I wasn't suppose to, that won't last long. I will be picking her up today for sure, I have to. Emily is not only my child but she is my life and my life can't stop because of all of this. I have to put the mental and physical pain aside and keep my focus on her. THAT IS WHAT MOMS DO.

How am I?

As far a me, in case you are wondering right now I am fine....can't sleep but fine. I will probobly start feeling the pain before long as I can tell the meds are getting weaker. I actually felt something when I JUMPED out of bed to check on Emily but that went away when I focused on her. I am going to try not to take any medicine today because I don't see me funcutioning very good with it and again, I will be here with Emily and drugs and kids don't mix. I think my dad and aunt are going to stop in to help out an hour or two and then my mom will be here after 5 to feed Emily and give her a bath so, I will have help until Andrew gets home. (Isn't family great) I will probobly rest when my mom gets here and then try to lay around for the most part of the day. Emily is so understanding. She gets it when I am down and she just does her own thing. Besides feeding her, changing her, and putting her in her crib I won't have to do anything tomorrow. Like I said God has already Blessed me not just with a child but with one like Emily. Normally we would go for a walk, go shopping, do crafts, play outside, and/or even have study time but for the next few days she is off the hook, she will have free time. YEA! Everything will be back to normal before long.