Thursday, August 14, 2008

Can't stop



It is now 3:am and I am awake because Emily just screamed and cried out my name really loud. I jumped up so fast and looked at the video monitor and saw she was still asleep. I guess she was dreaming about me, it didn't sound like a good dream. She has called names out during the night before and mumbled (like her dad she talks in her sleep) but this one really scared me. However, the good news is she is still sleeping we didn't have to get her or anything.

She was so loud Andrew heard her. My husband sleeps like a rock and for him to hear her is very uncommon. Just has he said, "you want me to go get her", she stopped crying out. Normally I would get her during the night if she needed anything and Andrew would keep on sleeping. (he does just a great job at sleeping) Basically it should be this way since he is the one that needs to sleep. I know he needs to be 100% during the day at work so he can bring home the BACON and since my job is Emily, well, when she calls then my job starts back up. BUT this time would have been different...maybe. See with the D&C you aren't suppose to lift more then 10 pounds for a week. YEA RIGHT! So between us, if he wouldn't have woke up and she would have kept crying I would have went and got her....I guess GOD knew that so he kept her sleeping and woke Andrew up just in case.

Let's really think about this though. A lot of people that have a D&C have another child so unless you are a really relaxed parent tell me how you would not lift your child especially after just loosing your second or third. After the hospital I wanted so bad to just run and pick Emily up, but I didn't, not because of the pain and the grief but because I wasn't suppose to, that won't last long. I will be picking her up today for sure, I have to. Emily is not only my child but she is my life and my life can't stop because of all of this. I have to put the mental and physical pain aside and keep my focus on her. THAT IS WHAT MOMS DO.

How am I?
As far a me, in case you are wondering right now I am fine....can't sleep but fine. I will probobly start feeling the pain before long as I can tell the meds are getting weaker. I actually felt something when I JUMPED out of bed to check on Emily but that went away when I focused on her. I am going to try not to take any medicine today because I don't see me funcutioning very good with it and again, I will be here with Emily and drugs and kids don't mix. I think my dad and aunt are going to stop in to help out an hour or two and then my mom will be here after 5 to feed Emily and give her a bath so, I will have help until Andrew gets home. (Isn't family great) I will probobly rest when my mom gets here and then try to lay around for the most part of the day. Emily is so understanding. She gets it when I am down and she just does her own thing. Besides feeding her, changing her, and putting her in her crib I won't have to do anything tomorrow. Like I said God has already Blessed me not just with a child but with one like Emily. Normally we would go for a walk, go shopping, do crafts, play outside, and/or even have study time but for the next few days she is off the hook, she will have free time. YEA! Everything will be back to normal before long.


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