Pregnancy the second time around.

This past weeks has been so hard. I have been so tired. What is worse is I am so scared something is wrong with the baby and I am going to miscarry. I remember thinking this with Emily but everything is so different this time. This weekend I started hurting, like cramps. Then today, the pain was so bad I called the doctor. They said it was normal however, tonight I saw blood, not much but there was some. Enough to freak me out and well I can't sleep as you can imagine. I am going to insist to the doctor that I come in tomorrow. I hate not knowing. I just want to see the baby and know everything is okay. I know it is all in God's hands and I know he won't put anything on me I can't handle. I have faith but still I am scared.

I remember the hard part of pregnancy now...it's the unknown. You always wonder how everything is inside you. You don't know if it is a boy or girl until 20 weeks and then you never know what they look like until they are here. You never know the day the life began nor do you know when it could end. You don't know if they will be healthy or ill. You just don't know anything.

I think pregnancy draws you closer to God. I mean to feel and see the life inside you. To know he did this. He gave us life so that we could make life. Amazing isn't it? He is so good. So awesome and being pregnant reminds you of it. On days like today when the pain is so bad you can't get up, when you're in tears, God does something amazing...he sends your 2 year old over to you. She holds you and gives you her bear, as she pats you on the back. Maybe you just have a wonderful child and maybe this is God's little way of saying it will be okay or maybe he is reminding you what the pain leads to, I don't know, but I do know he never leaves you to be alone.