Dear God

I am bleeding pretty bad now as you know and I figure this is part of the miscarriage process. I just wish my body would hurry up and get back to normal. Why is this happening? I know you are behind everything and I know it could be worse. I know this happens to a lot of people and I know you wouldn't put anything on me that I couldn't handle. I know you are with me all the way and I know I am not suppose to question any of this but I can't help but wonder why.

Everytime I go to the bathroom I keep thinking of my child falling out into the water. God I know it has happened to people before that didn't want their child but I did want her. Why can't I get that image out of my head? Why do I feel so lost, why is this happening?

I am a good mom to Emily, right? I mean I think I am and I know I questioned being a mom to two children instead of just one but I know I could have done it. I wanted to do it. I know I said there was so much for me to do before this one got here but I didn't mean that in a bad way. You know I like to be busy. I am sorry if I did something wrong or said something wrong. Please forgive me.

I know this happens to people everyday and I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, but still for some reason I do. I know there was never a fetus there, nothing formed but I still feel like she was inside me. I still feel like I lost a child. God I am sorry for questioning you. I know all this happened for some reason or another and I know you are only doing what is best for all of us.

I don't know if it is meant for me to ever have another child. As you know I don't really want to go through any of this again so I can't imagine getting pregnant another time. Whatever you have planned for me and my family just know I thank you and I trust you. Just please help us all get passed this and please let everything quickly get back to normal.

I love you now, forever, and always. Thank you for everything,
AMEN