The end of the road

Well the doctor said that my levels did go up but everything else seemed to point to a miscarriage. There is still no sign of a fetal poll and now my uterus is thinning. My choices are to do blood work again and wait to pass everything naturally or to schedule a D&C. I couldn't decide at the doctors office, I couldn't really talk at all but as I was taking a shower an hour later I got this over powering feeling that I should just go ahead and schedule the D&C. So I got out and called the doctor. Now I wait to see when they can do it.

I never thought I would go this route but I never thought I would have to. As I am sad, I am still grateful. I know I say that now and when the D&C day comes I will probably be dieing inside but I know in my heart there is no baby inside me and I know that this is all the way it is suppose to be. I thank God for letting me have it easier then some and for those others I commend you because I couldn't imagine. I am lucky it is all happening this early and that there was never an actual fetus that formed so technically I am not getting rid of a baby, instead I am getting rid of what the baby should have been in but never was. I am actually just making my body come to it's senses and instead of my body thinking it is pregnant I am doing the D&C to tell it to WAKE UP AND get back to normal.

There is no explanation of why my levels keep going up and still there is no fetal poll and now my uterus is thinning...all of it is God doing his thing. Amazing how our body works, how he made it to work. We have an awesome God! Even when bad things happen they all happen for a good reason, sometimes we just don't know what that reason is.

To all of you that have sent emails and cards and comments. Thank you. Your prayers have made me so much stronger and they have helped in so many ways. I will be thinking of you all in the days to come. Let's just pray that no one has to go through any of this. I know there still will be times when it happens to people and just keep them in your prayers as well.

Thank you all. We love you!